Unless you’ve been inseminated, you had sex to get pregnant.
You probably enjoyed it too (*GASP*). Maybe you had spontaneous sex after a night out, or on a lazy Sunday afternoon…maybe you planned it, who knows. But chances are you looked forward to it, prettied yourself up for your partner and fully enjoyed the experience.
Then you found out you’re pregnant and the hormones made you want sex more then a herd of bunny rabbits. Your partner probably loved this phase, maybe was even overwhelmed by it. Sex in the second trimester was rampant due to hormones and sex in the third trimester was basically used as a tool to “get things moving” so to speak. I remember my husband saying to me “You’re just using me!” Sorry, not sorry.
Then the baby comes and thing are out of commission for 2 months. They say 6 weeks, but thats BS if you ask me.
You’re sore, tired, not sure what it looks like down there and your last memory of your vagina was when a small screaming baby human emerged from it, tearing it’s way to your arms. You may have stitches, you may not but the pain, discomfort and new relationship you now have with your vagina is still healing. The last thing on your mind is penetration.
If you’re breastfeeding, your body is using the hormones normally reserved for pleasure to produce milk. It’s left you dry down there (not like when you were pregnant) and the thought of anything other then your baby touching your breasts is, well, unthinkable.
My considerate, loving and ever patient husband understands all this and after having witnessed me give birth was a bit shy about the idea of sex at first too.
But after 6 weeks he was sniffing around wondering if we could “try” sex again.
UGH! It was like trying to swat a fly away, it just keeps coming back, buzzing around you!
I managed to keep him at bay for just over 2 months then I gave in. Can you blame me though? My husband looks like a cross between Clint Eastwood and David Beckham, complete with tattoos! He’s also the sweetest and funniest man I’ve met so we got to kissing…
Nope, I was not ready for that!
No matter how much coconut oil we used, I was not ready. What surprised me the most was it felt as though my vagina had been replaced with a much smaller, tighter one! How? I mean, I know it’s a muscle and goes back to it’s shape but this felt way smaller? Like, THAT is not fitting in here, small. Now I was wondering how the hell a 7lb baby came out of there?
my vagina had been replaced with a much smaller, tighter one!
We got through it. Not unlike two teenagers navigating sex for the first time, it didn’t last long (thank god) it was totally awkward and I was crying. I was crying not only because it hurt but because I so desperately wanted to connect with my husband again. He’s so wonderful to me, attentive and hot…so of course I wanted to be intimate with him and enjoy ourselves. The baby was asleep so we had a window of time for ourselves and when it wasn’t what we thought it would be, it was upsetting.
What I found even more interesting was how vulnerable I felt after.
I had quite the experience giving birth to our son and needed a few weeks to recover mentally from it. I thought that was behind me but as I discovered after our first attempt at sex, it wasn’t.
I felt shy, scared, insecure not only about my new body but emotionally too.
Things weren’t the same anymore. Anatomically, for the most part they were but I wasn’t fully present. There was a disconnect. My mind was thinking about the baby while I held one hand over my belly to hide it’s new shape. Between thoughts of the baby, were thoughts of whether my husband would still find me sexy.
I was worried my breasts would leak milk everywhere and that I would re-tear! I didn’t feel like I was in my body anymore. Truthfully, I didn’t feel like I had a body anymore. Not one that is mine anyway. It spent 9 months harbouring a baby and now it’s main purpose it to feed that baby. I think the harder I tried to mask that I was completely and totally uncomfortable made it even worse for both of us.
Like anything, these things take time.
My hormones are fully concentrated on and are being consumed by the production of breastmilk and that leaves things dry downtown.
I am getting more comfortable with my new body, slowly accepting that it will take time to be tight and fit again but within a new shape. My husband is totally in love with my wider hips and ass and loves that my body gave him a son! This helps me become more comfortable in my skin although it is a bit tiresome constantly swatting his grabby hands away! It could be a year before I’m able to really get sexual again, or more realistically, not until I stop breastfeeding.
I’m left seriously wondering how it is that some people have siblings so close in age? I guess it’s not the same for everyone but for me it seems I have a long road to travel before I get back to feeling like a sexual being again.
