There are a zillion things that I now do as a mom, which I never thought I’d do in a million years. Before having my daughter, I have a perfect memory of watching a mom-friend put vaseline on their daughter’s bum, and being incredibly grossed out…oh how things have changed.
Here are 20 things that all moms can relate to:
1. Cartoons are still on and the kids are in bed
Really, who hasn’t done this before? It’s been 30 minutes before I realized Paw Patrol was still on in the background.
2. You never pee alone
…ever. Bathrooms to babies are like catnip for cats…they just can’t resist.
3. You house is only ever clean for 30 minutes
How many times a week do you think you “tidy” the pile of toys that they kids use for 2 seconds and throw on the floor?
4. You sing kids song when the kids are nowhere around
Who doesn’t jam out to Frozen while the kids aren’t even in the car?
5. Inside jokes reference Paw Patrol
Seriously, where are all adults??
6. You spell out words to adults
Whoops, that can be awkward at work!
7. You never say anything once
Saying things once would just be TOO easy!
8. You smell stains and poop all the time
Motherhood not only gives your superhuman multi-tasking powers, but also a very astute sense of smell.
9. You see a toddler throwing a tantrum and it doesn’t bother you anymore and you root for the other mom
Us moms gotta stick together.
10. You frequently ruin your child’s day by asking them to do something
Heaven forbid you ask them not to play with a butcher knife…bad mom!
11. The Paw Patrol theme song comes up when you want to do karaoke
Why not? You know all the words, you’d kill it!
12. Even though you don’t have an infant, you still bounce while standing
Waiting in the grocery store line, you just bop along as if you’re soothing your newborn…and then look at your 2 year old in the cart…
13. When you “poop” in the bathroom, but really you’re just taking a break and hanging out on your phone
Really, it’s the ONLY time to get anything done…plus, a husband will never question a poop request.
14. When it takes 4 glasses of wine to complete 1 page of homework
Just no…
15. When you don’t flinch at catching your child’s vomit in your hands
You can wash your hands, but are far too lazy to clean the floor.
16. You fantasize about being alone
Peace and quiet with no distractions…it’s the dream!
17. Going to the grocery store by yourself is an amazing outing
Strolling down the aisles, taking your sweet ass time…it’s glorious.
18. When you wake up early so you can drink at least 1 hot cup of coffee
Although you’ve become a master of cold coffee, it’s a lovely treat to have 1 hot cup a month.
19. When having a shower longer than 2 minutes feels like a trip to the spa
Throw in a leg shave, some exfoliator, a fake poop…and it’s bliss.
20. You use baby wipes for everything
You buy them in bulk from Costco, so you might as well use them to clean furniture, wash your face, take off make-up, whip hands…really, they work for everything.
