Confessions of a bad mom

Have you seen the trailer for Bad Mom yet? Well I don’t know about you, but it basically makes me laugh AND cry hysterically because I often feel like I’m failing as a mother. No matter how hard I work, most of the time I feel like something isn’t getting 100% of my attention, and sometimes that’s the baby. Some days I feel like the worst mother in the world, and other days I’m in full on survival mode and couldn’t care less…anything to get through the day right? For example, today we’ve both been really sick and the baby has basically been a mini psychopath, so we’re out for a walk to kill time before bed while I dictate this blog post on my iPhone, basically ignoring the baby because she’s pushed me to my limits.

What else do I do that makes me feel like a bad mom?

1. Diaper changes have become infrequent.
If I do the smell test and there’s no poop, heck, sometimes I’ll just wait until there is poop  to change her diaper.

2. I hide my phone behind her toys.
Like any normal baby these days, my daughter is obsessed with my cell phone. So, when she’s sitting and playing on the floor, I sit beside her and play on my iPhone behind her bigger toys so she doesn’t see me.

3. I just drive around because we don’t want to go home.
Sometimes I’m just not ready to keep “momming”, so we just drive around until we’re eventually forced to go home. At least she’s contained in the backseat, and it kills a bit of time in the day.

4. When I’m too lazy for lunch, I just give a bottle.
Yes, yes…routine is so important for babies. But sometimes I’m just too lazy to do lunch, so she gets a bottle before her nap instead.

5. I snap at the baby.
This one makes me really sad to write, but there are some days, not many days, but some days where I’ve been pushed so far past my limited that I’ll snap at the baby. Even though I know it’s not her fault that she won’t stop crying for some random reason, sometimes it just happens, and I always feel like the worst mother in the world.

6. I let her cry in the crib because I’m not quite ready to “mom” yet.
When 5:30am rolls around, and I’m just not ready to start the day, I lie in bed and catch up on social media, read the news, check the weather…basically anything until I HAVE to be a mom again.

7. I let her eat anything.
I used to be moderately concerned about what she put in her mouth, but I’ve officially hit the point where rocks, paper, and leaves are a OK as long as she’s happy. She’s not crying? Then it’s A-OK by me!

8. I put her to bed early because I’m done for the day.
Some days just feel like they are a zillion hours long, and instead of waiting until her bedtime, I just say “EFF IT!” and put her to bed early because I can’t mom anymore for the day.

9. Leave her in the highchair until she starts crying.
If she’s sitting in her highchair and not screaming bloody murder, I take that as a mom win and just ignore her while I get shit done.

10. We watch A LOT of Paw Patrol.
I recently discovered the magic of Paw Patrol, but ever since I’ve been milking it for everything it’s worth. Sometimes when she’s getting bored of an episode, I rewatch the beginning over and over again, because that’s her favorite part.

11. I curse the baby monitor when she wakes up from a nap.
I sometimes spend her entire nap watching her on the monitor while she sleeps adorably and I even start missing her. Then when she wakes up, I have a moment of, “Fuck, fuck, fuck…not yet!”.

12. I love being away from her.
When I’m out “adulting” and doing my own thing, I love how easy things are and how carefree I can be. I love being able to drink a full, hot coffee. I love going to the bathroom by myself. I love having adult conversation. I love being my own person, instead of a caretaker.

13. I miss my life before children. 
I don’t know if I’ve ever told anybody this, but sometimes I really miss my life before-baby. It was a simpler time and things were SO EASY! I don’t know why I ever thought things were difficult before I had a baby. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and spend a week without a child.

14. I count down until the next nap.
A lot of the time, I stop and stare at my beautiful daughter and think, “God, I love you so much…but really, how long until the next nap? 2.5 hours. Ok, I just need to make it 2.5 more hours.”

15. I lose track of how she gets somewhere.
My daughter isn’t walking or crawling, but she rolls places. A lot of the time I’m on my phone or computer, then I look up and she’s in a completely different place and I have NO idea how she got there…whoops!

So what’s the point of this post? I’ve finally realized that being a “perfect mom” isn’t possible. Nobody is perfect, and we all do things we never thought we’d do. It’s easy to think that other moms are perfect from behind their computers, but that’s not real.

What’s real? It’s really fucking hard being a mom…that’s what’s real.

People tell you before you have kids how hard it’s going to be, but I don’t think it sinks in until around the 1 month mark.

So I say…fuck it! Just do your best, ignore the fluffy BS out there about perfect moms, and finish the day with a glass of wine…you deserve it! At the end of the day, our children are our world, and no matter how hard it is, it’s 100% worth it…we all need to cut ourselves a bit of slack because being a “bad mom” is OKAY!